In previous posts I have talked about the new religion of consumerism and how somehow it is a new standard in the 21st century. As I mentioned last week, there are people who choose not to live by those values, who choose frugality as a way of life. In our democracy we state that the point of sending soldiers to die for our freedom is so that we can have these choices. In reality, often people who choose differently are judged, perhaps even condemned (that may be too strong a word) for not adopting the majority values.
Some of the typical comments can be “why would you want to [insert frugal choice here, e.g. bake your own cakes instead of just buying]???” The implication is that there is something wrong with baking, and if you answer that it is cheaper and healthier (because you know what is in the cake) then some may be negative or patronising. However, choosing to manage finances is not just about money, it is actually about the whole value system of identifying what is important – one’s values – and then choosing to live authentically in that space.
Being a paid work or unpaid work mother is one reflection of the choices we make to live by the values we have. Choosing frugality in lifestyle is another. These choices are all based on values that are held closely in one’s heart, and the way you make your choices should honour those values. Living by your values does not happen by accident, it takes deliberate decision to reflect a daily lifestyle of values you hold. If you have achieved this or are working on it, well done!
If you have struggled to feel accepted because your values are different, then focus on authenticity and the joy that comes from living close to your values. Reach out to others, because there are more people trying to live by their values than you might realise…and a strong community can form around valuing authenticity.

In recent conversations, there are two things that have come up about authentic living. The first is that some stay at home mothers feel that they have not “achieved” things with their lives because they have not gone into the paid workforce. The second is that those who choose to live a frugal life feel that they are doing something wrong because they do not participate in the consumerist culture of our times. Today, I will talk about mothers, next week about frugality.
If mothers choose to work in the paid workforce or only at home (without pay) then I believe it is entirely their choice. I do not believe there is a right or wrong about this – it depends on the person and what values they hold.
I think that women who choose to work should be applauded for pursuing their dreams. They work hard on two fronts and, naturally, do their best on both.
However, I do not think there ought to be less applause for those who choose to work only at home. They have decided that being available for the family, that being in the family home is the most important thing they can invest themselves in. Fantastic!
Often too, it is those who choose to stay at home who are the car poolers, the tuckshop attendants, ensure sports happens after school and on weekends, etc. It is not only their own families they invest in, but in so many ways they give to the wider community. Much volunteer work is done by these women, who have decided to live their values. Without such women, surely our society would begin to come apart at the seams? To feel as though they have not accomplished when so much of what the rest of us take for granted depends on them, reflects the lack of appreciation given to these women.
So, I would like to honour the women of our world who are mothers, and who have made choices about their lives that reflect their values. Whether you stay at home in unpaid work or go out to paid work, you are living authentically by your values. Well done! Thank you for making our world a better place by being authentic in your life.

So, a few weeks ago when my Palm finally gave up the ghost, I set out to get a new one….only, now everything is “smartphones”. Mmmm, no idea about them… shopping, looking, asking questions…. OK, pick one and head home.. “It’s so easy” they said….little did I know.
In the first 10 days I had to reload my calendar 3 times! It lost a heap of appointments, and that is a real crisis for me!!! Panic, breathe, panic, breathe… keep breathing. OK, so it seems to be working OK again, yay! Victory, I have won!
Hang on, how does the synchronise work with my non-MS software??? Oh, it doesn’t? What to do?! *ringing hands* Research the net, ask…. ahhh, get a whole new something else program, then another something new program, then have them talk to my computer and the smartphone (just how smart is this thing anyway?!), ahhh, finally by some miracle of Chinese whispers everything works… great! Triumph of the plebs!
Two weeks later, how come that appointment is at 1pm not 2pm? Hang on, there is a whole set of them out by 1 hour! Scream, panic, breathe, panic, what?! How?! Technology has struck again!
And so the last few weeks have gone. I have not resolved the 1 hour out, except to have figured out its something about google having the wrong time in its calendar (they use daylight savings in a place that doesn’t have any!)… but on the smart phone that appointments are correct. Of course, I can’t use the online calendars to enter anything, because they then go to the smartphone in the wrong timeslot… but its a start.
Now, if only I can get the hang of how to use the teeny keyboard designed for the handspan of a 2 year old….
Wasn’t this supposed to be a smartphone that saved me time and stress???? Have I been duped?! Sigh… how does that missed call thing work again…

I have always been a sucker for Better Homes and Gardens and have been known to have years of them stacked in my home…even when I lived in a little studio apartment! There is something inspirational about seeing what others have done, how they have created a life that they love in a space uniquely theirs.
Spring has arrived and I find myself loving the outdoors, wanting to bring it indoors…and I have found a whole new world of ideas online to explore. Its not just looking at the beautiful or quirky, but it is the idea of making all things old look new, the freshness that new ideas bring to my soul when I implement them in my home.
Freshness is something we all need from time to time, new ideas, different perspectives that help us to see ourselves and our lives differently. Sometimes we get this from our environment, by doing something different and finding that we really love something which was completely “not” us. Other times we get a sense of freshness from talking to others and understanding their perspectives. I have also found a freshness in tapping into creativity and trying a new hobby for a while. All of these things add a fresh dimension to my life.
We talk about the new life of spring and often enjoy new growth after winter’s dormancy…yet, I wonder if we could enjoy that sense of newness all year round if we just focused on freshness?
I often shift furniture, paint walls or change around knick knacks as a way of bringing a fresh feel to a room. I love colour and flowers, so whenever I can, I combine that by having bright bunches of flowers in the house.
What do you need to do to bring the freshness of spring into your everyday life? What works for you?

Don’t you hate disappointment??? I do! I was talking with a friend this week who had things all lined up to pursue a new dream, following some disappointment of her last dream job, only to find that the new job is not quite working out. Double whammy of disappointment
I have recently come across people who have given up on dreaming. It is as if they have been disappointed by life so many times, that they no longer have it in them to keep dreaming, to keep moving forward. So, they focus on a holding pattern with their lives, and live in a rut. They do not do this because they are happy with it or find it satisfying, they do it because they cannot risk another disappointment. Their hearts are so vulnerable that another big blow from the axe of life will cause their oak to tumble.
How do we get up and keep going after disappointment? How do we find the energy, the motivation, the courage to start new dreams? I think one major factor is being able to be thankful. What I mean is that we need to be able to see the disappointment, then look behind it, for there hides something…. something we have learned, something we have grown in, something good is there somewhere. Often it might look like a crusty old shell, but if we take time to pry, we will find the pearl.
We start with the little pearl of thankfulness, and then give ourselves time to heal. Then we start to remind ourselves that failing is part of trying, that disappointment is part of achievement. Slowly, dreams awaken, sometimes old, sometimes new, but then we take a deep breath, put on our big girl (or boy) boots and step out… we do something to work on the new dream, and we do it afraid.
There are no guarantees, but there is hope…

I have been having discussions with folk about what makes a leader lately. It has been interesting because so many people talk about wanting to see leadership, see leaders stand up and be counted, etc. but very few are able to identify what it is that they are looking for. Its that old thing, if you don’t know what you are looking for, how will you know when you find it?
So, who are leaders? How do we know when we see one? Is it charisma? Is it strong opinions? Is it being louder than others? I would suggest that often when people see these behaviours, they interpret it to mean leadership. However, they are then bitterly disappointed.
Leaders are people who not only stand up to be counted when others are looking to them, but who stand up with integrity and authenticity all the time. Leaders are prepared to do the right thing all the time because it is right, not because it is popular.
The difference between being a manager and a leader is being able to confront things with clarity, assertiveness and grace when necessary. Managers try to manage around the confrontation, to avoid it. Leaders take a deep breath, step up and confront.
Of course there are whole discussions about styles of leadership. But, the essence of leadership is that it is not management. Sometimes the two look the same, but when we see a difficult situation arise, then we also see leadership arise. It is the challenge that sorts out the leaders from the managers.
For those of us who claim to be leaders, let us examine ourselves and ensure that we are doing what needs to be done with grace, integrity and authenticity.

I had my formal graduation, Doctor of Psychology…

graduation

I recently signed up to do a triathlon in order to raise money for breast cancer research. I left myself lots of time to train and build up for it, but in the last 8 days have found myself putting off training. So, day 1 was “I have to take care of the dogs, they are sick”. Legitimate. Day 2 went, “I am really tired and the dogs have wiped me out”. Starting to sound like an excuse??? Day 3 was, “I can train tomorrow”. And so it went… until I find its been almost 2 weeks and no exercise!
Of course, in the midst of that I did go to pilates once, which just helped me justify not doing the rest for another day. So, here I am about 7 weeks out from the tri date, and I have to make a commitment to training or pull out (the other option being to do the tri and injure myself).
A part of the whole training issue is being tired, which is about managing my lifestyle. I make choices about what I will do with my time, if I will go out late, stay up watching TV, etc. When I then say I am too tired to work on a goal (like training for the tri) I am really saying that my stated goals and priorities are a lie. Ouch!
We do what we want to do as people. I have choices I make everyday. If my goals and priorities are priorities, then I will make choices that work towards them. If I make choices that allow me to drift away from my goals then they are not really a priority. My goals, my choices, my life… I decide what it looks like.
What a challenge to live authentically and in a conscious way that makes me take responsibility for my stated goals and priorities. I am starting fresh today. What about you?

A month or three back, I watched a short doco made by some Curtin GSB MLM students on the effect of plastic bags on the environment. I had heard discussion and was aware we needed to do “something” but until I saw that short doco, I really did not realise the impact of plastic bags. I then made a decision to use the canvas shopping bags I had been acquiring over the years and no longer take plastic bags from the shops. Good intentions…
I must say I did great for about 3 weeks, while the footage I had seen was fresh in my mind. Then, every week or so I would forget, “just this once”… why? I had every intention, I had the bags in the car, but the behavioural connection between the car and the shop door had not been made.
If I am going to actually follow up on my good intentions, then I need to change my actual behaviour. I need to stop getting out of the car and charging straight for the doors… I need a new step in there, where I open the back door and retrieve the bags. While this seems easy, this small behavioural change is proving a challenge.
Do you too find that the good intentions can be stymied by not making such small changes to behaviour? What ideas do you use to remind yourself and keep yourself on track?
At the moment I have shifted the bags to the front passenger floor, at least there I have a visual reminder. I hope this helps to develop a new habit of taking those canvas bags in with me, and that will help me fulfil my good intentions… in one tiny way I hope to make the world a better place then.

I had the privilege of meeting someone recently who has opened his heart and home to 4 neglected children. It was clear from talking with him and he and his family have hearts as big as the outback! While the family have 3 children of their own (2 with learning disabilities), they have opened their home to 4 more children. No agencies, no official paperwork, no support, no financial assistance… they have done it because the children were neglected and they saw a new and different future for them.
It occurred to me during the discussion that so many people talk about helping others, so many of us say “oh, I would love to, but… [fill in with appropriate reason]“. Yet, here is a family who are very much the working class, and they are putting their home where their hearts are. Am I willing to do the same? It is a challenge.
Naturally, I always intend to do good, to help others, to make a difference. I am challenged by this man and his family, they are not just thinking about it but acting on it. How rewarding it must be to live your values out in such a unique way!
To some extent my humanity tells me that I am not going to change the world, I am not another Martin Luther King Jnr. The world will continue turning with not much more than a hiccup when my time here is over. Sometimes that feeling of being insignificant in the universe can cause us to become inert. It is a privilege to meet a man such as this, because he stands as a stark reminder that you can change someone’s world forever, if you just follow through on those good intentions.
I am challenged to examine my values, think through my life choices and act on the good intentions…and I hope that I can make a difference to someone.
God bless all foster parents!