memories and loved ones…

Recently I have had the good fortune to locate some very old loved ones…well, not that they are old, but a long time ago our lives were intertwined but our lives became unravelled, we went our separate ways, and we lost touch. Now, the baby has had her own baby, the rest of us have aged and suddenly find that trying to catch up on life is both difficult and great.

The difficult part is trying to figure out how to tell someone who used to know every minute of your life about the last 20-something years they have missed out on. What do you tell? What do you leave out? How much do you tell them without boring them silly? While contemplating these thoughts, it made me realise that it is not the big events, nor entirely the mundane of daily life that are what sharing love is about. There is so much more, the affirmation of knowing that people around us love us, accept us, and that they understand us. That is special.

I have been blessed to have known so many people throughout my life, to have had so many pass through my life and leave the gift of life with me. Blessings have overwhelmed my life! Friends, family, even work colleagues have given me so much over the years, and I have learned much. I have become a better person, I have learned a greater compassion and I hope that I have served well with the gifts I have been given.

My memories of loved ones that I am still in touch with are full and wonderful. I also have memories of precious people that I have not had the privilege of keeping in touch with and I miss them still. My hope is that when I do come across old friends and family, that I have lived up to all they hoped for me, that their love and belief has not been misplaced.

So, today’s post is dedicated to those loved ones I know and to those I once knew… may every blessing fill your lives, may God be with you and may life be full of joyous moments!

getting up to do it again…motivation for the hard stuff

Another dawn this morning, the sun bright, lighting a perfect day…and I groan as I move out of bed. Lately it seems to take longer and longer to get from bed to running in the park. Why? I’m not really sure, except that there is a tendency to inertia in me. So, I have to use some strategies to overcome the inertia and stay motivated. Today I talk about exercise, but the principles remain the same for other things.

Bed, warm, comfy, radio clock comes on, dogs start trotting through the house….mmm, must exercise, up, drinks, look about, check the weather (such a surprise, another warm, sunny, perfect day!), go to get dressed, mess about, another drink, “can I skip the run today? but I love running, what is the matter with me? OK, look, just do it, just push yourself now!” Clothes, shoes, dogs excited… Outside, lock the door, into the car, down to park… start moving… 5 mins in, “this feels great! I should have started earlier so I could run longer.” Home, feel good…

This is how most days go, and its about the same if I come home at night and have to push myself to go swimming after work… excuses are so easy to find. So, to help myself along I have everything ready to go – bathers, towel, etc…walk into the house and there they are waiting. The other thing is that I tell people “I am going to run tomorrow at 6am” etc. This way I create an expectation – it is good to be accountable. Lastly, I encourage others to get out and train. Now, given my commitment to authenticity, it goes against my grain to tell others to train when I am not. So, three very simple things help keep me motivated:
1) Prepare
2) Accountability to others
3) Encourage others to train and live authentically
Simple yes, but it works.

fitness and new year’s resolutions…

Last year I finally committed to really getting fit. In my younger days, I had maintained a good level of fitness, but a decade ago I suffered a severe back injury and gave up running, gave up swimming, gave up fitness and health. I say “gave up” because I think that is what happened. At the time in my own mind it was all being forced upon me, I was the victim, it was beyond my control, etc. I realise now that was a nonsense. Yes, I had severe limitations, but I could have maintained myself far better than I did – what I did was turn into a laptop potato.
Last year that changed. To honour my friend Vivienne’s memory, I decided to do a triathlon to raise funds for breast cancer research. I worked hard at going from being a lump that moved from couch to chair and back, to being active again. My goal was worthy – honour Viv, who had been my best friend in high school.
I am happy to report I (1) raised over $1,000 and (2) became fit. Then the challenge became to maintain my fitness, not to allow myself to slide back into couch laptop potato mode.
Since then I have read a load of websites on training, I have chosen to go out and train when I didn’t want to, I have had to exercise self-discipline when something inside just wanted to plop down and do nothing. The challenge is on-going, and I understand that it will be for the rest of my life. I was always a natural bookworm, the only time I really got into sport was after meeting Viv, who was a terrific sportswoman.
I know that every year I have made the same resolutions in the past “get fit”, but it was not until I really had a goal and set date that I worked at it. Once I told people I was doing it, I had to keep going… and when money came in, I was committed. That is what it took for me to make the lifestyle changes. Finally, I kept the new year’s goal of being fit… and so far this year I am doing the same. This year I would like to raise more money for breast cancer research. Viv has become my inspiration to keep motivated.
What will it take for you to achieve your goals for fitness this year???

its all about the harvest…

Now that we are a couple of weeks into the year, the new year’s resolutions and goals we were aiming at a couple of weeks ago may seem vague. The everyday seems to overwhelm our diary, the needs of now block our view of the future and the idea of one more thing we have to do feels like just too much. So, how do we stick to our goals?
One of the important things to understand is that we need to have a view of the harvest. If we just look at the seeds in our hands, or the ground that needs to be tilled, then all we see is the work…and that can feel exhausting. But, if we lift our eyes and see the harvest, then the work becomes worthwhile. This is the secret of goals being achieved, understanding there is a harvest and it is good.
Keeping the view of the harvest can be difficult when we have to look down to tie our shoelaces. How do we manage it? Firstly, write it down… whether you write a list, random statements linked to the harvest, do a mindmap or draw some pictures, somehow write it down for yourself. Then, put that list somewhere you will see it! Yes, you will need to move it around because it only takes a few days for you not to see it anymore. So, make some copies and have them ready to pop into a new spot every few weeks. On the fridge, in your diary, next to the TV guide, on the mirror…somewhere it will grab your attention and you will be reminded of your harvest.
Once you are in the habit of checking out the goal regularly, start reminding yourself to do something about achieving the goal each week. Just one thing every week that will move you towards getting that harvest….DO IT.
If you move 1% closer each day, then after 100 days you are 100% closer to the goal! So, start with focusing on that harvest, then start moving towards it.

and a new year is underway…

Wow, already the new year is becoming old, with lists of things to do, catching up with friends we did not quite fit in before Christmas, and a whole new list of goals we want to achieve. New years are interesting, so much talk about resolutions, so many who dismiss the idea as simply unachievable. What about you, do you set new goals for the year?
I do, I am a goal setter from way back. I encourage you to consider setting some goals, perhaps 3 or 4 things that will make a difference to you if you can achieve them by 31 December this year. If you were looking back already, what are the 3 or 4 things you would really be proud/happy/pleased to have “done” this year? Why not make those your goals? You may say “visit old aunt Flo once every 2 months” or “complete my course”, or there are the ones everyone says “get fit” or “lose weight”, etc. Whatever your goals are, make them very specific and measurable. How will you know that you got fit? You won’t unless you measure that somehow – like “run 5km”.
The question is always about how we stay motivated toward the goals. I think for a start, we know that we cannot achieve them all in the first 6 weeks of the year. We need to write the goals down and then plan for the year, tackle one at a time. For example, you might start with walking once a day for 30 mins. Then in March do that course you planned on. In the meantime, you have visited aunt Flo. Do not attempt to rush at the goals, but have them ready to refresh yourself weekly.
The weekly review that the GTD system talks about is handy here. Sit down and read through your goals each week, then see what you did to achieve them. If nothing, then make sure you put something in the “to do” list for next week. Slowly but surely, YOU CAN DO IT! So, the year is underway and your goals CAN be reached.

and it’s Christmas…

Wow, every year on the 25th December Christmas comes around, and on the 26th December I know that in 364 days I am going to do it all over again….so, how is it that I get surprised that its here so quickly? What a surprise – not! I think it comes down to the age old thing of taking things for granted. I take for granted that I have time to prepare because, hey, I have a whole year…and so I put it off and put it off, then suddenly Christmas is here…again!
Well, now that we know I am not prepared for Christmas, its a good time to look at what Christmas means. Having tired a long time back of the commercialism of it all, I focus on relationships and experiences these days. Last week I went to Handel’s Messiah, which over the last few years has become a bit of a family tradition. I will spend time with friends and family. I have checked the TEAR website to plan for the gifts (I use http://www.usefulgifts.org/) and also wrapped some framed photos for loved ones. I have planned some delicious but simple foods, and stocked up on some drinks and snacks. I went along to a fantastic Carols by Candlelight on Sunday night, and I plan for church on Friday morning. Jesus, the reason for the season…the Christ who came to live among us…
This year as I have been surprised by Christmas, I have been equally surprised by some of the blessings in my life. So, as I celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, I have much to be grateful for. Christmas is a time to thank God for all that He has given, to remember His grace and mercy…and to share that good news.
If you are rushing toward Christmas with an overwhelming sense of drowning in the stuff to do, or you are ambling with calm and preparedness, I hope that on Christmas day you will be able to find a moment to focus on the reason for the season… Jesus Christ.

Christmas carols, trees and lights

‘Tis the season that comes round once a year but always seems to be here before we are ready and is over before we’ve had a chance to really appreciate it. Or is that just me?
Christmas carols are few and far between this year, the shops all seem to be playing regular muzak rather than carols. That is sad. Carols are a wonderful tradition, and I enjoy the growing number as new ones are added from generation to generation. Who in the ’70s knew that Boney M would become a Christmas carol tradition?! Carols remind me of tradition and times past, and blend beautifully with creating new traditions and hope for the future.
Then there are trees, the ones that cities light up…the twinkling lights that always seem so high above us, that stand out in the dark, I really enjoy those. I am really not sure where the tree tradition started, and this year I have not put a tree up at my place (because I would rather skip it than do a bad job that I don’t enjoy), but I like the trees. I also enjoyed building up a big pile of presents for a local children’s home at a function I helped organize a couple of weeks ago. Seeing the presents, knowing that for the children it would entice expectation of good things, that they would start to get excited and receive a wonderful gift, made the event worthwhile – esp. since these children have not had many opportunities to anticipate positive things in their young lives. The tree lights up hope in the hearts of the young (and the young at heart!).
Then there are the lights, the coloured, twinkling rainbow of colours. Alongside those are the sparkly fairy lights that shine brightly and create a sense of mystery and magic. Ahh, the promise of holidays, of a better tomorrow and an enjoyable future…all this from Christmas lights.
Ultimately, there is the nativity, which reminds us that once upon a time, God Himself came down to be with us….and there lies true hope for a better future, Jesus Christ Himself. I trust that you have a wonderful, blessed and peaceful Christmas in 2009!

loneliness in our busy lives

With the holiday season rushing towards us, after several months of Christmas deco in the shops, many people are busy. It can be difficult to find time to see loved ones, old friends, or even get a dental appointment! Yet, in the midst of this busy season, there are those who are truly lonely.
Why some people feel lonely is not a question I can answer with ease. Some people may have lost loved ones, others may have made bad choices, and some may have gotten caught in the fallout of a choice they had no idea would end like this. Nonetheless, people find themselves looking at the holidays and feeling lonely.
If you are one of those, then I would like to encourage you to start planning for a better season now. Firstly, make a list of the things you would love to be doing. Then, have a read over that and mark which of those that others may enjoy too. In particular, think about volunteering your time for others. e.g. If you have written “big Christmas lunch”, then perhaps you can volunteer at a shelter or visit a nursing home or volunteer with Meals on Wheels? These are just some ideas… after all, if you would like to share Christmas lunch, then why not make new friends along the way???
Other ideas are to sign up for a club (e.g. is there a club that is going hiking/camping you can join?) or find a group booking place you can join with (e.g. a few days of touring the countryside in an organized tour). Often on such tours you have the chance to do something you enjoy, and meet lovely new friends.
Now is the ideal time to start looking toward the next month or so and making plans. Start calling, start making bookings, start volunteering… and start breaking out of the box that loneliness can make you feel locked in.

tolerance and how to live it without compromise

Funny how many people talk about tolerance yet few seem to live it. I have no idea how many times people have become angry with me for having an opinion…and usually they only get upset when my opinion differs from theirs. Odd that when we all agree, they don’t get upset. Mmm, tolerance is sadly lacking.
I am very clear about my belief system, my values and my lifestyle choices. Some would say I am “black and white” in my thinking. However, among my vast array of friends are people with many belief systems, differing values and completely left-of-field lifestyle choices. Why do these people all call me “friend”? Not because I waver and agree with them, being completely spineless and unclear about who I am, no. These vast variety of people call me a friend because they know that I respect them, I value them, and I am not afraid to disagree with them.
I do not believe tolerance is saying there is no absolute truth, or that we all agree all the time. I believe tolerance is about respecting that others are entitled to their opinions, while being able to clearly define that our own are different. I believe tolerance is about valuing people for their intrinsic worth rather than their belief system.
If you want to live with compromise, then you need to clearly define your values. Without this, tolerance will be somewhat of a nonsense. Unless you are clear on your own values, you struggle to appreciate the values of others. So, start with yourself, do some reflection, some introspection and some decision making. Clarify, evaluate, think….
In order to live in a world of tolerance the next step is to allow others to express their values. I would say to do so without judgement, but that is not real or true. For, if you are clear about your values and committed to them, then they are necessarily right. This means that when others hold different values, you must conclude that they are wrong. I think the secret to tolerance is to be able to hold onto your beliefs and allow them to make those decisions for themselves – even if what they choose is what you consider to be wrong. For me, tolerance is allowing others the freedom and respect to make their own choices, even when (or especially when) I disagree. Tolerance is loving the person, even when I do not agree with them.
What do you think about tolerance? Come, talk it over, share your thoughts.

living authentically with your values (part 2)

In previous posts I have talked about the new religion of consumerism and how somehow it is a new standard in the 21st century. As I mentioned last week, there are people who choose not to live by those values, who choose frugality as a way of life. In our democracy we state that the point of sending soldiers to die for our freedom is so that we can have these choices. In reality, often people who choose differently are judged, perhaps even condemned (that may be too strong a word) for not adopting the majority values.
Some of the typical comments can be “why would you want to [insert frugal choice here, e.g. bake your own cakes instead of just buying]???” The implication is that there is something wrong with baking, and if you answer that it is cheaper and healthier (because you know what is in the cake) then some may be negative or patronising. However, choosing to manage finances is not just about money, it is actually about the whole value system of identifying what is important – one’s values – and then choosing to live authentically in that space.
Being a paid work or unpaid work mother is one reflection of the choices we make to live by the values we have. Choosing frugality in lifestyle is another. These choices are all based on values that are held closely in one’s heart, and the way you make your choices should honour those values. Living by your values does not happen by accident, it takes deliberate decision to reflect a daily lifestyle of values you hold. If you have achieved this or are working on it, well done!
If you have struggled to feel accepted because your values are different, then focus on authenticity and the joy that comes from living close to your values. Reach out to others, because there are more people trying to live by their values than you might realise…and a strong community can form around valuing authenticity.